hola :)

gosh, where to start?!  it’s been one of those philosophical-figuremyselfout days! hope you have a cup of coffee or tea and a few snacks for the novel! ;) ha!!

it’s hard to believe i didn’t really believe it

so.  a few weeks ago while talking to hubby about all my weight loss woes, i became aware of something. 

for the last 9 years, i haven’t believed that i could actually lose the weight.  after i lost almost 50lb back in 2000 (and have pretty much hovered within 10lb of that loss), i’ve been trying plan after plan to lose more, failing and each time getting it more and more ingrained into my subconscious that it just wasnt ever gonna happen.

so why did i fail in the first place?  i dont know—laziness, complacency, i like eating? lol!  i dont know if it matters.  i am tired of wasting my energy trying to figure out the whys of it!!  all that matters now is that i know i have to change my way of thinking.  i need to change how i see myself…and that means visualizing myself at my highest potential and treating myself as if i’m already there! :)

i know that makes it sound quite simplistic; kinda narrows it down into a neat little box.  well, in some ways it is.  i’m well-known for over-analyzing every freakin last detail of almost everything i do, but this time i’m throwing in the towel.  i’ve got a one-track mind and it’s gonna stay zeroed in on seeing ME in MY MIND already lean, healthy, glowing, happy and at ease.  it makes me smile to see me like that!! 

i miss that old me and i’m gonna get her back…and she’ll be even better than before :)

opening your mind and your heart

so a few posts back i mentioned i am doing some visualization meditations.  i know the word “meditation” automatically scares a lot of folks away.  try to get over the negative stereotypes you may have about it.  having an open mind yet still practicing your own personal boundaries is a very healthy and useful thing! 

meditation means many different things to many different people, no matter what your religion or belief system.  you take it as you want it and use it to benefit you.  i personally integrate it into my daily prayers and it is a very calming, relaxing and uplifting practice!  and we can all use some of that in our lives :) 

so my favorite meditation is about 10 minutes long, and is a guided audio meditation called Fulfill Your Own Potential.  it has you envision yourself in a place where you can be 100% relaxed and yourself, without worry or care.  i have a strong connection to nature, so it’s easy for me to imagine myself lying in a sweet grassy green clearing, with colorful delicate wildflowers all around and bees gently buzzing around.  i see ancient rock formations on one side with ivies growing up it, i can smell a pine forest nearby as well as hear a bubbling brook just over the way.  the sky is baby blue with puffy white clouds slowly drifting by and as i lie on my back and soak in the sunshine i am in total bliss!

now, that alone is pretty darn relaxing! LOL!

then, once you’re in your lalaland, it has you see someone walking toward you.  it’s YOU!  you at your fullest potential.  not just how you look at a quick glance, but the joy in your eyes, ease of your smile, smoothness of your voice, friendliness of your body language and the spiritual connectedness that is very apparent in your glowing self! (okay so this is how i see ME, you might see YOU somehow differently!  but you get my point…)

tangent…seriously, i was shocked at how i felt after the first time i did this meditation.  it really affected me in a profound way to have such a high esteem of myself…my poor self that i’ve been so hard on and critical of most of my life.  it was an utterly surprising breath of fresh air!

so you take it all in, and you see yourself smiling and laughing with yourself, there’s no judgment, no competition—only joy, camaraderie, and good intentions.  you ask yourself how you’re doing and if there’s anything important you want to share with you.  it’s at these times in the meditation you are truly able to hear and feel the messages that God (the universe, your spiritual self, whatever you want to call it!) wants you to hear.

soon after, your full potential self leaves and you come back to your present awareness.  i always feel very smiley and warm (temperature-wise!) after this quick 10 minutes because it’s so good to see myself in that way again. :D  i believe it’s the way God wants us to see ourselves, no matter how we look on the outside.  nothing but good can come from this visualization! 

it also helps me to see OTHERS in this very same way.  especially someone i’m not getting along with or have a tiff with…you know who those people are in your life! hehe! (oh yes, this includes family and spouses!!)  no, we probably wont be happy-go-lucky and carefree with every situation in our lives, but more times than not if we could only see past the exterior, the attitude, etc…into the person, the soul inside that is trying to find their own way, too.  only then can we truly know compassion and love for other people.

and going back to hearing the messages God has for us…something that bugs me is that we are so caught up in waiting for the “burning bushes” to appear in every day life!!  yes, life works like that sometimes to show us in a BIG WAY that we are screwing up or if we need a wake up call!  but we could have less of these times if we were more in tune with hearing the subtle messages, too.  for me, the prayer/meditation/visualization is my way of tuning in.  for you it might be something else—a nature walk, your dreams, a group prayer session, or losing yourself in a creative art of some sort.  i encourage you to find that way to tune in!  

in closing…

you know, a few years ago my jaw would have dropped to the floor if i’d have known i’d be discussing things like this. LOL! when i write out all these intense thoughts and feelings sometimes it feels weird to think how our point of view can change as we experience life!  for me, lately many a thing has fallen into place.  i’ve been very fortunate to continually be connected with the right people and circumstances at just the right time…it’s like connect-the-dots of life! hehe!  one dot leads to the next, and pretty soon you see this beautifully created picture that was created from all these random dots.  it’s amazing :)  i’ve only recently become aware that the dots were connecting…

so after all this philosophical talk…yes, i still DO want to lose weight!!  and by trekking along the less-worn path of losing weight in more than just the mathematical eat less/burn more style, i’m gaining so much more than i ever imagined!   it’s about functioning in our crazy world on a different level.  it’s about looking beyond tangible goals and being a more positive person and spreading that love around.  it’s about tuning in and being aware of who is in your life and why and about cherishing and loving your body and spirit!

yeah, i’m a dreamer, but who says dreams never come true? :) 

thanks for reading.  any thoughts??  you are dismissed! ;)

~jos~